I’ve walked through the terrain of healing, and if there’s one thing I’ve come to understand, it’s this: healing isn’t linear. It may come in recognisable stages, but it doesn’t follow a timeline. It loops back on itself, unfolds unevenly, and often catches you off guard.
It moves in layers. Cycles. Spirals. It stalls and it surges — often revisiting the same path from a new depth.
It can feel like progress one day, and total regression the next. But what I’ve learned is that every part of the process — every step forward, every stumble, every still moment — is part of the return.
The return to yourself.
Even when it feels like everything has fallen apart, what people are really in is a sacred unfolding. A slow, aching, deeply intelligent movement towards healing. They are falling into alignment.
Healing doesn’t come all at once.
It reveals itself in waves, in seasons, in ambiguous moments.
It comes in that morning you wake up and realise you’re not bracing for the day ahead.
In the sudden softness of your breath when someone holds your hand without you pulling away.
In the moment you let the tears come — not out of despair, but relief.
And it doesn’t begin with joy. It begins with honesty.
The first stage of healing, for many, is rupture.
That moment something breaks — a relationship, a belief, your nervous system. Sometimes, it’s loud. Other times, it’s the quiet hum of “I can’t keep doing this anymore.”
Then many enter a state of shock. You might be filled with a thousand emotions all at once: disbelief, pain, rage, confusion. The ground feels shaky. The body instinctively retreats into itself. Let it. Meet the vulnerability with presence, otherwise…
Then comes the resistance.
This is the part we don’t talk about enough. The pushback. The “maybe I’m fine.” The instinct to numb, distract, avoid. It’s not weakness. It’s protection. The body’s way of saying, “I’m scared.”
Then comes the numbness. The protective freeze. The disbelief. You go through the motions. You’re functional, but far from whole.
Then comes the awareness…A flicker of knowing that something doesn’t feel right. That the ache you’ve been carrying wasn’t always there. That the exhaustion isn’t just from a bad week, but a buildup of years. Recognition… A dawning sense that something important is surfacing. That the story you’ve lived with isn’t the whole story. And with recognition comes acceptance — not the kind that makes everything okay, but the kind that says, “this is mine, and I can face it now.”
What follows is grief — deep, confusing grief. Grief for the things that happened, yes. But also for the time you lost pretending you were okay. For the versions of you that never got to bloom.
After that, often, comes anger. Rage, even. The fire. The “why didn’t anyone protect me?” The “how dare they?”
Anger is not the enemy. It is sacred information.
It protects your boundaries before you know how to. It says: “I deserved better.”
It comes in waves, or sometimes all at once. And while it’s not easy, this is the part where things begin to shift. The dam cracks. Emotion moves.
After the fire, sometimes there is emptiness. A hollow quiet where the old self used to be. This is not a failure — it’s the shedding. The space left behind when you let go of what doesn’t work for you.
And finally, slowly, there is softening.
Not forgiveness, necessarily. Not forgetting.
But space.
You place gentle distance between the wound and your identity.
You begin to see yourself not as what happened to you — but as the one who survived it, felt it, held it, and lived. As the awareness behind.
That’s when integration begins.
You start living again. Differently. More slowly. More consciously. More bravely.
You try new ways of being. You stumble, relearn, adapt. And it’s hard. But it’s worth it.
You practice micro-choices that add up: Breathing deeper. Saying no. Staying when it’s safe. Leaving when it’s not. Replacing old reflexes with new rituals.
The nervous system settles. It learns safety. Joy peeks its head around the corner. Not the loud kind, but the quiet joy of being present in your life. Of tasting food. Watching films. Catching a captivating scent. Appreciating nature. Of laughing without effort.
And then comes release.
A deep exhale.
Not because everything is fixed — but because you no longer have to hold it all so tightly.
You recognise that this moment, just as it is, holds you. And that’s enough.
Eventually, transformation comes.
Rather than as a grand event, it comes as the subtle, gradual, daily choosing of something new.
You rearrange your life in a way that honours who you’re becoming.
You build your world around your truth.
There’s no need to hurry. Even the smallest steps can lead to profound shifts.
You start choosing.
This journey is not linear. You may circle back, feel like you’re unraveling again, question whether you’ve made any progress at all.
But each time, the return is different. Quicker. Wiser. Kinder.
Healing is a relationship, not a destination. A relationship you nurture over time. One that asks for your presence more than your perfection.
I used to think healing was about fixing myself. Now I know it’s about finding myself again.
The parts I abandoned to survive. The softness I tucked away.
Healing is a series of moments where you choose to come back to yourself, again and again, with love.
And when that love is mirrored by the right people — by safety, by attunement, by presence — something incredible happens…
Your nervous system is shown, again and again, a different story. Through the repeated experience of safety, love, and presence — enough times for your body to finally believe: it’s over now.
And you begin to believe you’re worthy of healing.
And you are.
Always.
Healing doesn’t mean we forget what hurt us. It means we hold it with more care. We bring it to the light.
We meet it with kindness.
Wherever you are in this process, know this:
You’re not late.
You’re not failing.
You’re healing.