I know there is something beyond this fear, beyond this self-imposed or perhaps trauma-imposed limitation. I still await the moment of liberation, of which I catch glimpses in blessed moments. My world has shrunk and expanded so many times that I no longer have a clear sense of what it’s supposed to feel like, this ‘being in the world’. I’ve shifted into different modes of awareness as it happened, and this process has been quite destabilising to my sense of self on some levels, but also rather numbing, in a way, which leads to a sort of dissociation. If I take last year as a reference point, I am now living post-mortem in a version of heaven, or perhaps, purgatory, however strangely familiar; I have been given another shot at life. But it shouldn’t have been taken away in the first place. And how come it isn’t enough? Perhaps it’s because I can’t explain the inexplicable, which could sucker-punch me at any moment and push me back to that state, making everything since feel like an illusion of normalcy. I don’t want to look back; I also don’t want to project myself into the future and look back. I keep telling myself I don’t want to write from the wound… To the unknowing eye, I might seem to have succumbed to fear (or worse), timidly, but even a glimpse into my life would greatly surprise and change perceptions or even paradigms.
Category: writing
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Before the clipping of wings
Once, I felt the stunning, stunning, kaleidoscopic
World
was made of doorways to glittering realms—
a thousand skies
waiting for my astonished feet to enter.The future sang
in wild colours I didn’t know the names for—
a language of rivers splitting open,
of moons rehearsing their silver scripts behind clouds.Then came the shrinking—
the narrowing corridors of days,
the blue-edged hours
that bent under the weight of time
like flowers strangled by frost.My heart became a room
with locked windows,
dust gathering in the corners
where sunlight used to kneel.
The future—a startled bird
I dared not wake.Because whether I choose the quiet field
or the whirlwind-life,
the clipping of wings folds the sky in on both—
and it aches.and yet—somewhere under this ribcage,
a throb of fierce music remains,
a tide climbing the ladders of my spine.I want the old hunger back,
I want, I want, I want
the dangerous dreaming,
the beauty of fearlessness
that burned in my marrow
before the clipping of the wings—
whose triggering memory I have worn like iron.I want to be light again,
to fling the windows of heaven wide,
my idea of heaven,
to let the earth feel my pulse until it trembles
to walk straight into the wind,
scatter every feather of fear
until even the dark forgets my name.to lift my face like a dare
towards whatever storm waits—I want to be, at last,
the one who walks
with re-attached wings. -
Rethinking Fulfillment
We treat satisfaction like a finish line — permanent, polished, waiting for us if we hustle hard enough and heal “right”. And yet, what if that’s the wrong map? What if satisfaction isn’t a destination at all — rather, a weather pattern: passing through, beautiful when it visits, impossible to domesticate?
What if the baseline isn’t seamless fulfillment?
Psychoanalysts called it jouissance: those bright, disorienting flashes of more-than-pleasure that visit and vanish. We get moments, not permanence. Yet we keep trying to retrofit life into a continuous high: more goals, more apps, more “optimised mornings”, more distractions polished to look like purpose. We stack our calendars like sandbags against an inner tide we don’t want to feel.
And then something tears through the fabric. The diagnosis. The layoff. The quiet Tuesday you crumble for no obvious reason. The void you’ve been outrunning steps into the doorway, and the light goes strange. It feels like descent — like a cold, locked crypt — but it’s also a threshold. The ache isn’t evidence that you’re failing at life. It’s evidence that you’re alive.
We’re not built for perpetual plenitude. Every wisdom tradition has said this in its own dialect: dukkha, exile, the wound that opens the heart. Jung mapped it as shadow and descent. Lacan called it lack. Mystics describe a dark night where the old scaffolding collapses so something truer can breathe. Different names, same contour: there’s a gap at the core of things. We suffer when we try to plaster over it. We grow when we learn to relate to it.
So here’s the unsettling invitation: stop trying to seal the crack. Sit beside it. Let the draft move through you without rushing to fix the windows. Notice how much of your life is designed to outrun this exact feeling – the tabs, the tasks, the tiny screens that promise relief but deliver numbness. Notice the bargains you make with yourself: “When I get there, I’ll finally feel whole”. There is no there. There is only here, and the momentary sweetness that visits like birds at dusk.
This isn’t a call to resignation; it’s a call to intimacy. To meet the void is to meet yourself without costume. It’s to put down the role of the one-who-has-it-together and become the one-who-is-honest. It’s to trade the anesthesia of certainty for the medicine of contact. Paradoxically, that’s where steadiness lives — inside the willingness to feel the wobble.
Look around: when we refuse the ache, we outsource it. We build cultures that run on distraction, economies that monetise our longing, feeds that flood the cavity with glitter until we forget it’s there. The collective chaos is the echo of a shared refusal. We think we’re avoiding darkness; we’re manufacturing it at scale.
What shifts when we stop? When we let the void speak in plain language?
Sometimes it says: Rest. Sometimes: Tell the truth. Sometimes: Cry. Sometimes it says nothing at all, and you learn to sit with silence without turning it into a problem to solve. You breathe in the unfinishedness and, somehow, it stops feeling like a threat and starts feeling like a horizon.
Practically, this looks smaller than your ego wants. It’s making hot chocolate and tasting it. It’s putting your phone in another room and letting loneliness introduce itself by its real name: longing. It’s prayer without performance. It’s a page in a journal that doesn’t have to be profound. It’s a walk where you practice being a body, not a brand. It’s telling a friend, “I don’t need advice; I need witness.” It’s letting satisfaction be an unexpected guest, not a lease you’re trying to secure.
And when the next tear comes — as it will — you’ll recognise the terrain. You’ll know that the crypt has a back door, that the darkness is not empty but full of seeds. You’ll remember that you don’t climb out by force; you grow out by contact. The more you befriend the gap, the less power it has to terrify you. Not because it disappears, but because you do not abandon yourself inside it.
Maybe this is the quiet revolution: to stop demanding wholeness behave like a product, and start letting it behave like a rhythm. To become someone who can hold sweetness without gripping and hold sorrow without drowning. To build a life that isn’t a fortress against pain but a hearth that can host it.
You don’t have to wake the whole world up. You don’t have to prove you’ve “healed”. You don’t have to turn your ache into content. You just have to strike one small match in the dark room of your own life and look honestly at what’s there. The flame won’t seal the crack. It will make it visible. And in that light, you might find a needle and thread.
Not to stitch the world shut — but to stitch yourself to it. To the gap, to the gust, to the gorgeous, fleeting weather of being here.
-
Kriyā and the Art of Alignment: Writing from the Self
There’s a passage in The Artist’s Way that has stayed with me, one where Julia Cameron introduces the concept of Kriyā, a Sanskrit term meaning “action”, but which she expands to describe a kind of spiritual crisis — a deeper, almost visceral reaction we have when something in our life is misaligned. It’s the pain that hits right after we force ourselves to endure something we shouldn’t. The exhaustion that follows overcommitment. The anxiety that builds when we ignore our creative instincts. The psychosomatic warning system that lets us know when we are forcing ourselves into a life that doesn’t fit. A kriyā is the body saying, “Enough.” It’s a warning from the self we’ve ignored for too long.
She describes how, when we ignore our truth — whether by working a job that stifles us, overcommitting to obligations that drain us, or even rescuing people who should be rescuing themselves — our body protests. We get sick, anxious, lethargic. Our emotions flare up, and our energy vanishes. Cameron’s Kriyā, in this sense, goes beyond simply taking action; it requires recognising when the actions we are taking are working against us.
Through morning pages and self-reflection, we begin to see where we are out of sync. At first, this clarity feels like loss.
“I can’t keep ignoring my health or sacrificing my time for this job.“ Or “I have outgrown this job.”
“This relationship isn’t working.”
“I don’t enjoy this anymore.”Realising these things can be painful. We often resist. We want to keep the illusion that everything is fine. We don’t want to change — we want things to change for us. But as Cameron points out, once we eliminate ambiguity from our lives — when we become clearer about who we are, what we want, and what we stand for — we also lose illusion. And while losing illusion can feel like a loss, it is also a gift. We gain something invaluable: the truth.
And yet, truth doesn’t arrive gently. It disrupts. It can bring tears and frustration. Cameron compares this process to a spiritual seizure, an upheaval that shakes us until we let go of what no longer serves us. This is where art and self-expression come in — not as an escape, but as a way to process and understand this shift.
One of Cameron’s most striking ideas is that as we clarify who we are, our creative voice becomes coherent. When we are fragmented — when we suppress parts of ourselves to fit into jobs, relationships, or roles that don’t align with us — our creative work reflects that fragmentation. It feels scattered, disconnected. It lacks a centre. But as we strip away the false selves, as we clear out the clutter — physical, emotional, psychological — our writing, our art, begins to feel like it comes from the same person. A pattern emerges.
She calls it the snowflake pattern of the soul — a unique, intricate identity that takes shape once we shed false layers. The more we remove what is not ours, the more distinct our pattern becomes. And when we create from that place, our work has coherence, continuity. Our writing, our art, no longer feels like it was made by multiple conflicting selves but by one true self.
Also, writing (or any creative work) involves tuning into what is already within us, rather than inventing something outside of ourselves. And that means confronting our real emotions, our real desires, and our real experiences. This is why Cameron insists that creativity is not based on fantasy — it is rooted in reality. Art happens in the moment of encounter: when we meet our truth, we meet ourselves. And only by meeting ourselves can we create something original.
She seems to emphasise the following points:
1. Listen to the kriyās. Pay attention to where life feels wrong, where you are forcing things. Let yourself feel the loss of illusion.
2. Write from clarity. As you refine your self-understanding, your art will refine itself too. Your writing will begin to feel like it flows from one true voice, not a chorus of conflicting selves.Beyond its myriad interpretations and purposes, art is about becoming someone. Becoming the person who can create freely, without distortion. And in that becoming, as we align with who we truly are, our voice, our art, the snowflake pattern of our soul will finally emerge — whole, authentic, and coherent.
According to Cameron, writing (or any creative act) therefore requires a stable sense of self. We need to know, at least on some level, who is speaking in order for our voice to emerge authentically on the page. If we are constantly shifting to accommodate external expectations, our work will feel scattered, fragmented, and uncertain — reflecting the uncertainty within us. To write from the self, we must first reclaim it. We must listen to our Kriyā, recognise where we are out of sync, and make adjustments — not just in our creative work, but in our daily lives. The more we align our actions with our deeper truth, the more naturally our words will flow.
That said, I don’t fully agree with the idea that writing requires a singular, stable self. Writers like Whitman, Virginia Woolf, and David Hume remind us that identity is not a fixed entity but a shifting constellation of thoughts, perceptions, and impressions. Whitman famously declared, “I contain multitudes” while Woolf wrote, “I am rooted, but I flow”, suggesting that while parts of us are fluid, ever-shifting, there is also a deeper, more unshakable core — something immutable that makes us who we are. Hume, on the other hand, challenges even this notion of a stable self, asking, “When you enter most intimately into what you call yourself, what do you find?” His answer: a collection of perceptions in perpetual motion, never truly fixed.
In my case, the fluidity in my writing does not stem from accommodating external expectations; rather, it emerges from exploring the fluidity of the self itself. Creativity allows me to move between different facets of my identity, to express contradictions, to embrace the shifting and evolving nature of being. Even to dream myself into another existence. Rather than seeing this as fragmentation, I see it as expansion — writing as a way of capturing the many selves that exist within me, rather than fixing them into one.
At the same time, there is work to be done in letting go of how my writing will be received. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking about how something might be interpreted, whether it will make sense to others, or whether it aligns with an external narrative. But ultimately, what matters most is this is how it feels to me. Writing from that space — without worrying about how it will be perceived — feels like the truest way to honour both the clarity and the fluidity of self-expression.
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Creative Affirmations for Artists
Creativity is a force that flows through us when we allow ourselves to be open, playful, and courageous, aka in touch with our inner artist, sense of wonder, and childlike curiosity — aspects that help us engage with the world without fear or self-judgment. Creativity requires daily nurturing, much like maintaining physical health. My gym journey has a mind-nourishing voice-over lately as during my cardio sessions, I listen to “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron on Audible. As I move, Cameron’s words sink in deeper, almost like they are rewiring my brain along with my body. Now, every gym session is a moment where I reconnect with my artistic self, pushing through creative blocks just as I push through physical limits.
This ritual, this merging of movement and mindset has deepened my understanding of Cameron’s core message: creative expression is more than an act, it’s a spiritual practice — one that requires faith, trust, and self-compassion. Affirmations can help rewire our thoughts, break through resistance, and cultivate a mindset that nurtures our artistic soul.
Cameron also warns that when we begin using affirmations, our inner critic — what she calls “The Censor” — may push back with negative or contrasting beliefs. This resistance is natural, but it is not the truth. Repeating these affirmations daily helps reprogram our thoughts, shifting us from doubt to creative confidence. Over time, with consistency and faith, these positive beliefs will become second nature, allowing our creativity to flourish without fear. Affirmations are just one of the many tools Cameron highlights for nurturing creativity, helping it flourish alongside practices like morning pages (a daily exercise of writing three pages of longhand, stream-of-consciousness thoughts to clear mental clutter and spark creativity) and artist dates (weekly solo trips to explore something that enchants or interests you, aimed at nurturing your inner artist).
Whether you are a painter, writer, musician, or any kind of creative spirit, these affirmations are designed to remind you of your artistic worth, dissolve self-doubt, and invite inspiration into your life. Let them serve as daily reminders that your creativity is sacred, valuable, and always evolving. Here are mine:
- Creativity flows through me with ease and grace.
- I trust the process of creation and allow inspiration to guide me.
- My creativity is infinite, abundant, and ever-expanding.
- I honour my artistic voice and trust its unique expression.
- My creative gifts are valuable and worthy of being shared.
- I release fear and perfectionism and embrace joyful creation.
- Every act of creation brings me closer to my true self.
- I am free to make mistakes, experiment, and grow.
- My creative journey unfolds in divine timing.
- I am connected to an endless wellspring of inspiration.
- My work has meaning and purpose, even when I cannot yet see it.
- I create with love, passion, and authenticity.
- My creativity is a source of healing and transformation.
- I am worthy of making art simply because I love it.
- The universe supports my creative path in unexpected ways.
- I trust that inspiration will come when I need it.
- I am constantly learning, evolving, and refining my creative gifts.
- My inner artist is nurtured, protected, and encouraged.
- I welcome creativity into my life every single day.
- My artistic vision is a gift to the world.
Creativity flourishes when we approach it with an open heart and a sense of playfulness. If doubt, fear, or perfectionism creeps in, return to your affirmations as a reminder that your artistic path is valid and meaningful. Your art matters. Your voice matters. Keep creating, keep exploring, and trust that your creativity is always leading you somewhere beautiful.
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Gift Ideas for a Sentimental Soul
Antique mirror
Dreamy fragrance
Heart-shaped silver locket with photo
Crystal figurine
Art phone case
Gothic candelabrum
Vintage bag
Sophisticated drop earrings
Lace garter
Confessional letters
Mubi subscription
Gaia subscription
Adventure games on Steam
White lace dress
Satin pillow cases and bed sheets
Embellished cosmetics
Vintage diary decorated with pressed flowers
Poetry books
Old film camera
Art bookmark
Musical box
Personalised Star Map
Antique Fountain Pen
Scented candles
Pressed flower jewellery
Press on nails with intricate designs
Deep conversations
Emotional support -
Uncanny Synergy
I awaken in pure exaltation in a meadow bathed in sunlight. Everything is enveloped in luminous splendour. The lake of memory ripples and glistens with echoes of myths and fairy tales. There is something intrinsically immaculate about this moment. It feels as if this corner of the world has been ritualistically transfigured by forces that have had access to moments that evoked my noblest emotions. Or that my dream-weaving mind from a parallel reality is actively manifesting a mosaic of a world that I could feel in perfect alignment with.
I decide to explore my surroundings. I increasingly get the feeling that the place is sentient – a living, breathing, intoxicating sanctuary. The breeze touches my body with the ambivalent gentleness of a yearning spirit. There is an enigmatic scent cloaked in various elements, clothed with the vibrancy of an undefined passion. I reach an alien stone structure on top of which there is a crystal coffin. The woman inside looks like me. Her clothing embodies an exquisite, non-clichéd version of the cybergoth aesthetic. Although motionless, her body seems neither lifeless nor in the alluring state of catalepsy of most female waxworks stuck in reverie. She awakens, with her face bathed in sunlight. Her presence is enveloped in luminous splendour. There is something intrinsically immaculate about her, like her substance has been ritualistically transfigured by celestial beings.
She starts exploring her surroundings. As she appears to strangely, naturally assimilate the environment, I feel like I’m witnessing a process of symbiosis. Her movements are of an uncanny, refined quality that blends in with the landscape and speaks with the language of light. This world seems to have been created in her image. In her I catch glimpses of a level of aliveness that I’ve never seen in anyone else. Her discreet glances over her bare shoulder make me think she is waiting for someone, or some external thing.
I hear a disturbing, mystical interference sound and see flickering lights. The fabric of the world is briefly cracking to make space for another body, which materialises out of thin air. Twilight falls. She looks at him. It’s apparent they know each other from a parallel universe; the encounter is not serendipitous. Their eyes – both life-giving and annihilating – are glinting with rapture. She moves towards him through the dusky landscape, soft and languid, proceeding with a whimsical charm on the fragrant earth. What follows is their embrace – the drowsy sweetness of it.
Her resonant words are breaking the overpowering silence, being hauntingly echoed within all the natural elements around them. Listening to the melodious outpouring, his liquid gaze subtly changes. Their substances intertwine. Her life source becomes a part of him. His life source – a part of her. Their pupils are wide as they both take close-up views into each other. Here, this means experiencing the other’s entire life in a flash. Every moment of agony, ecstasy, every glimpse of the soul and of the dark night of the soul in its various manifestations. Everything around them shifts vibration: the elusive, undefined sense of ontological yearning becomes palpable. The atmosphere turns sultry. The ecstatic movements of nature fluctuate between frantic, impetuous, violent and soft, languorous, soothing. I am filled with a deep sense of rapture under the light of creation. Visible and invisible forces are harmonising and constantly replicating, giving birth to their higher selves, until the landscape is of an ineffable resplendence. Their encounter nurtures and transfigures the eco-system.
-
Self-Portrait
The spiritual (‘spiritual’ in a secular sense) pride sometimes accompanying the feeling of being attuned to the universe and highly perceptive of shifts in energies, angst, desires, signs of discomfort, motivations, attractions, repulsions, projections, insecurities, prejudice, coping mechanisms, vibrations, the multidimensionality of the human experience, and so on when I walk into a room means that when I am – not by choice – in the disposition that I actually have to go through a break from the reality of existence, I find it hard to open up about my inner experiences even a long time afterwards. Granted, that’s also due to the nature of my experiences, the way they unfold, and the type of real-life material they tend to feed on and feed into. It’s that and the fact that, in my darkest yet lucid hours, my worldview tends to become more assertive, particularly when I feel my boundaries are being crossed, which is what is amplified (and internalised) to surreal levels when I’m thrown into the vortex of my ‘other’ self, which is not something I’d like to consciously/actively even indirectly nurture outside of that.
Whenever I’ve tried opening up, things have gone chaotically wrong both interpersonally – as once I add that layer it becomes nearly impossible to know others’ angles, and in my subsequent experience of the breaks, which have gone hopelessly meta and more labyrinthine. Things no longer flow naturally in my interactions. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to rewire my thinking patterns in ways that are beneficial to me, but unfortunately, this has come to mean detachment, which implies automatically being less likely to experience positive emotions as well. I have come to accept that only those with a very similar predisposition and psychological history and configuration in addition to moral compass would ever be able to connect with me in any significant way. Perhaps meeting them will give me a feeling of belonging that I’ve not found anywhere, in any context, in my entire life, if I’m totally honest. I mean among those around whom I’ve actually considered (and entertained the thought that) I might belong, as there are many that I’m happy and proud I could never even remotely relate to. I’ve always been pretty individualistic and self-oriented though.
When I welcomed the possibility of connection, I realised I’m too secular for the spiritual. Too dreamy for the materialistically-inclined. Too pragmatic for the ones who ignore everything worldly. Too realistic and down-to-earth for the self-help community. Too willing to work on myself to be among those with a tendency to neglect and deny all responsibility in a quest for self-preservation. Too pessimistic for the idealistic. Too idealistic for the pessimistic. Too neurotic for the stoic. Too self-contained for the openly and unapologetically neurotic. Too guarded for the emotionally transparent. Too transparency/authenticity-inclined for the ones who repress all ‘negative’ human emotion. This either makes me sound perfectly balanced or dispassionate and insipid. Either way, what I care about is – would I be happy to meet someone ‘like’ me (i.e. alike in significant ways)? Would I be ready? Scared? Threatened due to shadow self denial? Exhilarated? Relieved? Would I even truly see them, and myself in them? I welcome the opportunity to discover, for I usually only feel like I can be myself when I am by myself.
-
A Glance
Caught in between worlds and narratives designed
from mercurial substances laced with unfathomable fears,
no longer bothering to convey their intersections
in a way that integrates with the normal brooding whole,
still skipping diseased words that hold too much power,
in hope of discouraging the old forces from slipping in
like a cataclysmic surge disturbing the ebb and flow of being,
and because I have a history, yet I don’t like inhibitions
that render the core watered-down with lifeless inscriptions.
Anyway, the morning found me sipping the lingering trance of
dewy dreams of an all too familiar setting, concealed for years,
interwoven with unfettered thoughts fluttering like harpies
and kind ravens towards, above, and beyond worlds.
Later, I consumed a piece of media that bothered me,
tapping into a growing discomfort at every variation of evil,
but there’s always a quick fix for that, and I know myself –
fortunately I can un-see, un-hear such things – a talent of mine,
born out of necessity, of self-preservation;
well, it’s because sometimes images used to get stuck
and replayed over and over again,
but that’s classified information I don’t want to unlock;
if nothing else, similar instances are usually eclipsed
by the life-devouring shadows
of much more significant worries-
this is why I don’t mind dwelling on the edge of chaos
as long as I find my definition of peace in it:
every new element propels me further, making sure
I don’t get sucked into the vortex of one.
Listen, it’s tiring to be driven by the many-eyed wings
that pierce through subtleties and silvery surfaces,
to spot pattern discrepancies as easily as one blinks,
whilst the narrative blossoms like a beautiful acacia tree,
but this was not an invitation.
In fact, sometimes, my desires are very simple-
it should be obvious by now, and
whether I’m fine or not is irrelevant-
I want faith, freedom, and to be left to exist
between the tree and the river. -
Liminal Space
A state of flux.
An ineffable sense of rapture of the mind, body, and soul.
A substitute for the spirit molecule.
A place where it’s safe to be human and where the concept of being human is unravelled at various stages in a way that will add to one’s self-worth, empathy, and awareness.
The texture of reality is mutable here. Your substance might go through physical and spiritual metamorphoses in tempestuous waves. Fragments of souls that are no longer around will reflect back at you unexplored feelings and aspects of your self on a visceral level.
You will witness the miracle of the self unfold. During your paradigm-shifting odyssey into this state of overwhelming multitudes, your core will be shaken and re-examined, but despite that, you will overflow with self-love even as you go through the transformative process. Your memories and dreams will be your friends, not your foes.
There will be upheavals, eventually followed by a sense of enlightenment and profound emotional intensity that will set new foundations in stone. No more lingering intrusive thoughts. No longer projecting and no longer being affected by other projections. An elation and liberation of the self.





Inserted myself in film stills from Stalker, Annihilation, and Solaris; photos edited and composited by me.
I had actually written a little uncanny story that these images were just accompanying, but I’ve decided to integrate that one exclusively in a greater project of the future.